The last day of 2005: a time for reflection.
I won't be nostalgic about it. One year come after the next, everyone of it more or less the same. It just starts with January and ends with December. No major changes, no surprises. It will be catastrophic if that regularity is destroyed.
It is the end of formal schooling for a while, the start of worklife. The end of a not too eventful jc2 life, to say the least. A catastrophic exam for which I was not too well prepared for, but it is a rite of passage I should have foreseen.
New year's resolution: try to be nice to those who have been a curse to me in 2005.
Happy new year to old friends and new friends I have made this year!
Saturday, December 31, 2005
unpredictable
i got rejected by oxford. don't worry, i'm not too upset about it.
i know i am not exceptionally brilliant, so it's perfectly ok to be rejected.
i just don't understand why i feel a little angry.
like someone ruined my life.
i don't know.
maybe i just hate to admit my own shortcomings.
i know i am not exceptionally brilliant, so it's perfectly ok to be rejected.
i just don't understand why i feel a little angry.
like someone ruined my life.
i don't know.
maybe i just hate to admit my own shortcomings.
Monday, December 26, 2005
wasting away.
Sloth is a slippery slope. To stay stationary requires a tremendous amount of effort. To live from day-to-day, without an aim in life towards perfection, leaves us to the mercy of the undercurrents which threaten to sweep us from under our feet, hurtling towards mediocrity, then an irretrievable end. The masses pull us, seducing us with the prospect of popularity. In terms of commerce, they attract us with their spending power. We pursue popularity, instead of the pinnacle of excellence. It's pragmatism and commercialisation over idealism. It is what makes communism as an idea of the masses so popular over a period of history. By pulling back those leading the pack, the masses too confine themselves to regression, a path few desire.
It is true we have no idea what is perfection, cos we are not perfect and thus can aspire towards it, but may never attain it. Perfection, if defined as the best of all possible conditions and factors, is nearly impossible as some factors and attributes are conflicting. The richest man cannot be the most generous man (in most cases), cos generosity and philanthropy will deplete his wealth. If we define perfection in terms of one attribute, then the selection of that attribute is subjective and thus deviates from perfectibility, since we do not know better.
However, not knowing the objective perfection, does not legitimise extreme subjectivity and relativism. It gives no ground for authority and those who try to impose their views on us or decide for us under the pretext that they are superior in power, status or judgement do not deserve to do so. There can be a degree of subjectivity, as it is a part of human engagement and experience, but judgement has to be based on objective critierion agreed upon and revealed in the name of fairness.
It is true we have no idea what is perfection, cos we are not perfect and thus can aspire towards it, but may never attain it. Perfection, if defined as the best of all possible conditions and factors, is nearly impossible as some factors and attributes are conflicting. The richest man cannot be the most generous man (in most cases), cos generosity and philanthropy will deplete his wealth. If we define perfection in terms of one attribute, then the selection of that attribute is subjective and thus deviates from perfectibility, since we do not know better.
However, not knowing the objective perfection, does not legitimise extreme subjectivity and relativism. It gives no ground for authority and those who try to impose their views on us or decide for us under the pretext that they are superior in power, status or judgement do not deserve to do so. There can be a degree of subjectivity, as it is a part of human engagement and experience, but judgement has to be based on objective critierion agreed upon and revealed in the name of fairness.
Friday, December 23, 2005
weird and random facts (c.f. jenn's blog)
5 random/weird facts abt. myself:
1. New hobby: arguing about philosophy with jenn on each other's blog.
2. Current mission: learning to write in short sentences with easy to understand words, so as to fit TNP style.
3. I have a huge problem with people who are fixed in their ways and are unable to multi-task.
4. An outright pessimist who refuses to believe in man's invincibility. (If man thinks he is invincible, why did he think of God?)
5. I get stressed out going shopping.
ok... now i tag rach, heidi, bernie, risse, kai hui. :)
1. New hobby: arguing about philosophy with jenn on each other's blog.
2. Current mission: learning to write in short sentences with easy to understand words, so as to fit TNP style.
3. I have a huge problem with people who are fixed in their ways and are unable to multi-task.
4. An outright pessimist who refuses to believe in man's invincibility. (If man thinks he is invincible, why did he think of God?)
5. I get stressed out going shopping.
ok... now i tag rach, heidi, bernie, risse, kai hui. :)
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Perhaps Love - Emptiness
Should watch the show, packed full of meaning though it is the usual triangular relationship. It highlights the emptiness that fills a money-driven world and a quest for a more exciting world, which may relegate emotions to the back-seat and ultimately destroy one.
Brilliant quotes from the songs, badly translated:
1. Shortness is no more than a blink, Length is nothing but eternity. (so apparently there should be very little difference.)
2. There is no love/ hate is impossible/ you can't grasp it/ neither can you get rid of it. (very sad, but highlights the lack of human control over destiny.)
People share common memories, but move on and lose touch. If they meet again completely changed, none will be capable of returning to who they once were, separate by the times they spent apart, however much they regret the present and yearn for the past.
Edited, cos Rach rightly pointed out that parts of it don't make sense.
Brilliant quotes from the songs, badly translated:
1. Shortness is no more than a blink, Length is nothing but eternity. (so apparently there should be very little difference.)
2. There is no love/ hate is impossible/ you can't grasp it/ neither can you get rid of it. (very sad, but highlights the lack of human control over destiny.)
People share common memories, but move on and lose touch. If they meet again completely changed, none will be capable of returning to who they once were, separate by the times they spent apart, however much they regret the present and yearn for the past.
Edited, cos Rach rightly pointed out that parts of it don't make sense.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Confused
School has always been very straightforward. We only have one goal in life: get good grades for everything including ccas, and god-knows-what-else is graded. Life without school means making so many more choices, some of which are rather irreversible, e.g. scholarship choices will determine your life for a good ten years. Brings to mind Paul Pennyfeather relieved about not making choices in prison while sitting in the regulated nine inches of warm water.
For all the self-professed and egoistic professions of maturity, I cannot understand how adults think, the excessively jaded and resigned cynicism. They just plod on. A good work environment vs. professional excellence? Money vs. enjoyment on the job? Have they thought about these and moved on? Or do these questions remain unresolved and are soon relegated to the idealism and naivety of youth? None of us, all trapped in the mentality of our particular age, can know.
Perhaps its the one-word solution to all Singaporean doubts: pragmatism. Consider the new Central Lending library. On basement 1, the non-fiction books rather than being arranged according to the customary dewy system, were placed according to whether the topics were deemed appealing to readers. So economics (300plus) was placed with human management(600plus) in the central aisle and everything else was clumped at the back. For all the promotion of life-long learning and the knowledge-based economy, perhaps we should be allowed to pursue our own interest in a bias-free environment. I can understand that such an arrangement is more convenient to some readers, but it encourages a singular pre-determined track. And those who choose to deviate from common interest, are completely disoriented.
Responding to jenn's post abt. the better world:
She says it will be better if people take things slower, are more forgiving and do their best not to hurt others.
I'm not sure whether she will agree, but perhaps in addition, people should be less judgmental, more concerned about their lives and the world and aim for perfection.
Maybe I am asking too much of mankind.
Cogito ergo sum: I think therefore I am. I think therefore I know I exist, but the more I think the more I am convinced that I live in a confused world (which Descartes conveniently relegated to God, beyond the confines of the first-person privilege).
For all the self-professed and egoistic professions of maturity, I cannot understand how adults think, the excessively jaded and resigned cynicism. They just plod on. A good work environment vs. professional excellence? Money vs. enjoyment on the job? Have they thought about these and moved on? Or do these questions remain unresolved and are soon relegated to the idealism and naivety of youth? None of us, all trapped in the mentality of our particular age, can know.
Perhaps its the one-word solution to all Singaporean doubts: pragmatism. Consider the new Central Lending library. On basement 1, the non-fiction books rather than being arranged according to the customary dewy system, were placed according to whether the topics were deemed appealing to readers. So economics (300plus) was placed with human management(600plus) in the central aisle and everything else was clumped at the back. For all the promotion of life-long learning and the knowledge-based economy, perhaps we should be allowed to pursue our own interest in a bias-free environment. I can understand that such an arrangement is more convenient to some readers, but it encourages a singular pre-determined track. And those who choose to deviate from common interest, are completely disoriented.
Responding to jenn's post abt. the better world:
She says it will be better if people take things slower, are more forgiving and do their best not to hurt others.
I'm not sure whether she will agree, but perhaps in addition, people should be less judgmental, more concerned about their lives and the world and aim for perfection.
Maybe I am asking too much of mankind.
Cogito ergo sum: I think therefore I am. I think therefore I know I exist, but the more I think the more I am convinced that I live in a confused world (which Descartes conveniently relegated to God, beyond the confines of the first-person privilege).
Friday, December 09, 2005
anti-thesis
No living, without dying.
No happiness, without sadness.
No love, without hate.
There is no room for neutrality. In each attribute lies the rejection of its negative, thus affirming its existence. We say we exist because we may well not.
Life is unfortunately highly problematic. We seek happiness from vices and self-destruction. This is not meant to be a religious comment. We live and thus seek death. We seek happiness by creating eventual sadness. Self-love, with a result equivalent to self-hate. We destroy ourselves through smoking, drugs, gambling and alcoholism, yet we gain pleasure from it. Decadence, there is no reconciliation between a long life and a happy one. We are a confused people, living for the moment and incapable of a broader view of life, love and legacy.
No happiness, without sadness.
No love, without hate.
There is no room for neutrality. In each attribute lies the rejection of its negative, thus affirming its existence. We say we exist because we may well not.
Life is unfortunately highly problematic. We seek happiness from vices and self-destruction. This is not meant to be a religious comment. We live and thus seek death. We seek happiness by creating eventual sadness. Self-love, with a result equivalent to self-hate. We destroy ourselves through smoking, drugs, gambling and alcoholism, yet we gain pleasure from it. Decadence, there is no reconciliation between a long life and a happy one. We are a confused people, living for the moment and incapable of a broader view of life, love and legacy.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
boxes
Professed experts of creative thinking always tell people to "think out of the box", suggesting that boxes restrict our movement physically and the scope of our mental processes. But boxes are a human creation, and mankind have continually lived in boxes thereafters. The early cavemen lived in habitats of irregular shapes, carved out over centuries by natural forces. Humans decided to surround themselves with 4 lines, enclosing themselves and later go on to enclose animals and inanimate objects. We live in boxes from cradle to grave: the incubator, the apartment, the room, and in the end, the coffin. We have taught ourselves implicit obedience, to none other than the rules we have created for ourselves. It is a matter of organisation, which we have told ourselves is preferable to chaos. Look @ the format of this blog: I don't think any of us want the posts to be all over the place.
Friday, November 25, 2005
happy endings
Was watching wang2zi3bian4qing1wa1 on channel U 2 days ago. I initially hated the show, it had no storyline, no character development and was held together by goodlooking people who cannot act and quirky sound effects. Perhaps it was the aftermath of the last lit paper in my life, the relatively unintellectual story actually appealed and basically anything would go. (OR as my bro. has just said "you are an unintellectual being." :() Maybe I like happy endings, no deaths, no disappointment, etc. Though it would make life devoid of any serious meaning or feelings, cos there is no happiness without sadness as it's antithesis. Everything will be bland.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Yesterday, PSLE results were out and rosyth produced a top scholar, the first in god knows how many years. I was overwhelmed by nostalgia when i saw the scene on TV. Old faces, in a not-so-old school building. It has been 6 years since I left the school and moved on, yet the teachers I know have hardly changed. I have the most feelings for the school, and the feeling of nostalgia is momentous, considering that in 3 days' time I will leave another school without a bang, with the unglamorous S econs paper. I don't know how I will feel, in a way it has been very short and it's impact on my entire life still cannot be judged. Perhaps, I am a train, simply stopping at the designated stops for the regulated number of years, accumulating more baggage of emotions, memories and responsibilities.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
On a not so happy note, I have just received a letter from UCAS, rejecting my application for Govt and Economics @ LSE. My University applications may be all messed up and going to waste, but anyhow, it is still worth looking forward to Monday afternoon and I still maintain the faint glimmer of hope that I may yet get to Oxford.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Yesterday, PSLE results were out and rosyth produced a top scholar, the first in god knows how many years. I was overwhelmed by nostalgia when i saw the scene on TV. Old faces, in a not-so-old school building. It has been 6 years since I left the school and moved on, yet the teachers I know have hardly changed. I have the most feelings for the school, and the feeling of nostalgia is momentous, considering that in 3 days' time I will leave another school without a bang, with the unglamorous S econs paper. I don't know how I will feel, in a way it has been very short and it's impact on my entire life still cannot be judged. Perhaps, I am a train, simply stopping at the designated stops for the regulated number of years, accumulating more baggage of emotions, memories and responsibilities.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
On a not so happy note, I have just received a letter from UCAS, rejecting my application for Govt and Economics @ LSE. My University applications may be all messed up and going to waste, but anyhow, it is still worth looking forward to Monday afternoon and I still maintain the faint glimmer of hope that I may yet get to Oxford.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
4 more.
4 more papers to go, and rather quite immune to how i feel after the papers. Thanks to everyone posting encouraging comments on the tagboard, really appreciate it! Will survive, and gambatte to everyone who still have papers to finish! Then we can party! :)
Must go back to read SEA.
Must go back to read SEA.
Friday, November 11, 2005
A whiny post
So far 'A's has been bad, full of so many unexpected twists, turns and odd questions. I'm not sure whether is it just me not having studied enough, ill-prepared and taking things perhaps a tad too lightly. I hope it's not just me, who thinks that this year's papers are very freakish. And the hard papers have not even arrived.
Math: paper 1 was great, paper 2 was bad.
GP: NO question on government! forced into doing state intervention in business
GP compre: didn't really finish AQ.
Hist 1: have never thought of any of the questions in those light before, though i have faithfully gone through essay plans. Not anybody's fault, but took a lot of improvisations. Had very little for french rev, too much for new imperialism (and no time!).
I am not sure whether I have messed up enough not to get at least 3As and a B3 for GP. But oh well, concentrate on the remaining papers! *trying very hard to convince myself*
Math: paper 1 was great, paper 2 was bad.
GP: NO question on government! forced into doing state intervention in business
GP compre: didn't really finish AQ.
Hist 1: have never thought of any of the questions in those light before, though i have faithfully gone through essay plans. Not anybody's fault, but took a lot of improvisations. Had very little for french rev, too much for new imperialism (and no time!).
I am not sure whether I have messed up enough not to get at least 3As and a B3 for GP. But oh well, concentrate on the remaining papers! *trying very hard to convince myself*
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Effervescence of Dreams
Passion and Dreams, are they actual motivations or simply childish optimism? They are often uttered simply to maintain a glimpse of hope, in the buffeting winds of cynicism and realities. Passion, hard work and drive may in fact not take us anywhere. Growing up perhaps means recognising the limits of our endeavours, just like how we have ceased having grand ambitions of becoming the president or prime minister. Somehow, knowing our limits do not reduce the pains of unfulfilled dreams and futility of effort, just as in The Solitaire Mystery, "the one who sees through destiny must also live through it". The pain has always been present, the only difference is between regret for not trying and the disappointment in failure. It all depends on our ability to comprehend it and bear it stoically. Try, even if dreams and even ourselves, disappear like Ariel into bubbles.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Results!
down to the essence of JC life: how many As?
A for math, econs, B for lit. Hist is for tomorrow to worry about.
Need to find some way to stop messing up my lit papers... (for the record: 30 for one of the PC pieces; 31 for Othello. Grrr.) Afterall, I need 4 As, and I need a scholarship if I am ever to dream of going overseas (of course, preferably oxford, after spending 92.77 singapore dollars on application.)
There may be more rantings tomorrow. It all depends.
A for math, econs, B for lit. Hist is for tomorrow to worry about.
Need to find some way to stop messing up my lit papers... (for the record: 30 for one of the PC pieces; 31 for Othello. Grrr.) Afterall, I need 4 As, and I need a scholarship if I am ever to dream of going overseas (of course, preferably oxford, after spending 92.77 singapore dollars on application.)
There may be more rantings tomorrow. It all depends.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Utopia
Utopia
Island where all becomes clear.
Solid ground beneath your feet.
The only roads are those that offer access.
Bushes bend beneath the weight of proofs.
The Tree of Valid Supposition grows here
with branches disentangled since time immemorial.
The Tree of Understanding, dazzlingly straight and simple,
sprouts by the spring called Now I Get It.
The thicker the woods, the vaster the vista:
the Valley of Obviously.
If any doubts arise, the wind dispels them instantly.
Echoes stir unsummoned
and eagerly explain all the secrets of the worlds.
On the right a cave where Meaning lies.
On the left the Lake of Deep Conviction.
Truth breaks from the bottom and bobs to the surface.
Unshakable Confidence towers over the valley.
Its peak offers an excellent view of the Essence of Things.
For all its charms, the island is uninhabited,
and the faint footprints scattered on its beaches
turn without exception to the sea.
As if all you can do here is leave
and plunge, never to return, into the depths.
Into unfathomable life.
By Wislawa Szymborska
To leave certainty and meaning, to search for adventure. Is that misguidedness, misadventure or part of human hubris? Seeking ambitions, I drift further away from shore, perhaps on the brink of drowning. Even truths previously unadulterated in the childish minds, such as striving for perfection, speaking the truth and other moral standards, have almost all been shattered by adult, societal necessities. Every single deviation has been conveniently described by my parents as "life is like that". There is nothing much I can do, the waves push me on. The future is uncertain, the past is the only thing that has so far been decided. Yet, even the past as created by humans, is neither the truth, nor terribly lucid.
One day, I may just turn around and struggle towards the shore. I am not so ambitious as to seek the truth of the world, just the essence of my own being.
Island where all becomes clear.
Solid ground beneath your feet.
The only roads are those that offer access.
Bushes bend beneath the weight of proofs.
The Tree of Valid Supposition grows here
with branches disentangled since time immemorial.
The Tree of Understanding, dazzlingly straight and simple,
sprouts by the spring called Now I Get It.
The thicker the woods, the vaster the vista:
the Valley of Obviously.
If any doubts arise, the wind dispels them instantly.
Echoes stir unsummoned
and eagerly explain all the secrets of the worlds.
On the right a cave where Meaning lies.
On the left the Lake of Deep Conviction.
Truth breaks from the bottom and bobs to the surface.
Unshakable Confidence towers over the valley.
Its peak offers an excellent view of the Essence of Things.
For all its charms, the island is uninhabited,
and the faint footprints scattered on its beaches
turn without exception to the sea.
As if all you can do here is leave
and plunge, never to return, into the depths.
Into unfathomable life.
By Wislawa Szymborska
To leave certainty and meaning, to search for adventure. Is that misguidedness, misadventure or part of human hubris? Seeking ambitions, I drift further away from shore, perhaps on the brink of drowning. Even truths previously unadulterated in the childish minds, such as striving for perfection, speaking the truth and other moral standards, have almost all been shattered by adult, societal necessities. Every single deviation has been conveniently described by my parents as "life is like that". There is nothing much I can do, the waves push me on. The future is uncertain, the past is the only thing that has so far been decided. Yet, even the past as created by humans, is neither the truth, nor terribly lucid.
One day, I may just turn around and struggle towards the shore. I am not so ambitious as to seek the truth of the world, just the essence of my own being.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Iknowyouknowiknowyouknowiknow
1. this has none of the sexual references of "carnal knowledge" from which the title is taken. Just to highlight the intensely self-indulgent and private nature of this post. So really, IGNORE the following paragraph.
Exams have finally ended today, but you have to be insensitive and dig at past unhappiness yesterday, while I was panicking over welfare economics and ISLM. It is not that I have changed fundamentally, the cut that has been made is way too deep. I have just stopped whining about it, just because it has scabbed over, but never heals completely. You need not remind me how much I hate him, just when life is returning to normal and I gloss over past hurt. My anger has not died out, just that it now isn't the raging fire it once was. It's glowing, like hot coal, producing insidious smoke that threatens like Isadora's scarves. The "you" here, will never find out about this post. The "him" here will never find out either, even if he chances upon my blog. I have kept it vague, deliberately. I am sounding like Plath. (This is not good.)
Exams have ended, though there is a sense of temporary reprieve, there isn't the sense of freedom. I have a bad sense of foreboding about results.
Exams have finally ended today, but you have to be insensitive and dig at past unhappiness yesterday, while I was panicking over welfare economics and ISLM. It is not that I have changed fundamentally, the cut that has been made is way too deep. I have just stopped whining about it, just because it has scabbed over, but never heals completely. You need not remind me how much I hate him, just when life is returning to normal and I gloss over past hurt. My anger has not died out, just that it now isn't the raging fire it once was. It's glowing, like hot coal, producing insidious smoke that threatens like Isadora's scarves. The "you" here, will never find out about this post. The "him" here will never find out either, even if he chances upon my blog. I have kept it vague, deliberately. I am sounding like Plath. (This is not good.)
Exams have ended, though there is a sense of temporary reprieve, there isn't the sense of freedom. I have a bad sense of foreboding about results.
Friday, September 23, 2005
crazy musings... reflections of an insane examinated mind
The last post has been removed, just in case i contravene some sedition act, for incitement to political violence. I told TK blogging was dangerous, you could get in trouble for it, he said I was "siao", but well, craziness can become reality. ;) Coming from someone who has been in an IT club for 6 years, the internet is a crazy dangerous world, and blogging enables everyone and anyone to link to you and read your thoughts (of course, the most intimate ones are left unsaid and undocumented). I just found out that jenn has somehow found her way to my blog... welcome... but i don't think i gave her the blog address... hmmm.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
2 weeks of examinations and my brains are nearly fried... for an incongruous list of things I have done... 1 drq, 1 case study, 3 econs essay, 8 history essays, 8 lit essays, 2 s hist essay, and s econs essay to come. A rather pathetic attempt to imitate decline and fall. I'm losing my inspiration, being expected to churn out 3 essays per day, doing more work in 2 weeks than what i've done for the whole year. I know this is just pathetic, unintellectual, boring whinings of a crazy 17 year old dealing with prelims... so ignore me. Everything seems to be linking up, within subjects, across subjects, when suddenly the meaninglessness and circularity of D and F, cast its ugly shadow across Pinter and Plath and S Hist, when predictions of revolution leading to revolution happening bring to mind self-fulfilling expectations theory.
I have thought it would have taken me dreadfully long to come to this stage, where life is at a turning point, full of uncertainty. After nearly 2 years, i am not even sure i like college life, i know i will surely miss it, but not sure whether is it out of love and nolstalgia or just pure familiarity of routine. Seeing the same people in the same classroom, the same teacher for the same subject for 8 blocks a week. Even morning assembly on mondays have become more of a joke, instead of a dread. I'm sure it's familiarity, considering i have never absorbed any of the school propaganda and for a very long time, i have sought greener pastures. Without the familiarity of meeting everyday, will we even make the effort to meet up and remain good friends, a huge gathering without cliques? Cynical me says unlikely, the teeny weeny romantic side of me says i can always initiate.
Shall stop typing, cos my fingers really hurt from all the writing this morning.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
2 weeks of examinations and my brains are nearly fried... for an incongruous list of things I have done... 1 drq, 1 case study, 3 econs essay, 8 history essays, 8 lit essays, 2 s hist essay, and s econs essay to come. A rather pathetic attempt to imitate decline and fall. I'm losing my inspiration, being expected to churn out 3 essays per day, doing more work in 2 weeks than what i've done for the whole year. I know this is just pathetic, unintellectual, boring whinings of a crazy 17 year old dealing with prelims... so ignore me. Everything seems to be linking up, within subjects, across subjects, when suddenly the meaninglessness and circularity of D and F, cast its ugly shadow across Pinter and Plath and S Hist, when predictions of revolution leading to revolution happening bring to mind self-fulfilling expectations theory.
I have thought it would have taken me dreadfully long to come to this stage, where life is at a turning point, full of uncertainty. After nearly 2 years, i am not even sure i like college life, i know i will surely miss it, but not sure whether is it out of love and nolstalgia or just pure familiarity of routine. Seeing the same people in the same classroom, the same teacher for the same subject for 8 blocks a week. Even morning assembly on mondays have become more of a joke, instead of a dread. I'm sure it's familiarity, considering i have never absorbed any of the school propaganda and for a very long time, i have sought greener pastures. Without the familiarity of meeting everyday, will we even make the effort to meet up and remain good friends, a huge gathering without cliques? Cynical me says unlikely, the teeny weeny romantic side of me says i can always initiate.
Shall stop typing, cos my fingers really hurt from all the writing this morning.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Photocopier
The photocopier does not care about the content of the work put in front of it. It merely copies, somehow rather indiscriminately. The scene is irrelevant to the camera, it serves only as a visual recorder. The monitor does not know, that it is merely an instrument of projection. These tools never really know what they are doing, they are just there to serve someone's convenience. I take in all there is in class, and all that I experience in life, but someone will have to tell me the significance of all these to the greater scheme of things. Do not assume that you really know what you are doing. ;)
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Chronicles of the Heavenly Dragon
Was watching this show yesterday, and I realised that it actually echoes the concept of tragic flaws that I have always associated with English literature. It also shows how fate changes the lives of people substantially, bringing to mind the idea of fate vs. free will. It's very surprising how literatures from two different cultures can be so fundamentally alike, though set in an utterly different culture and of course, written in a different language.
Yesterday, was suddenly struck by this weird fear, that i don't actually know what i want in life. I am quite torn between a more secure path of economics and a idealistic, yet not necessarily money-making path of history. It's difficult, cos i'm afraid if i actually decide to do economics, i may forget, and never come back to the history, that I have so promised myself to get back to someday. It's a bit like the decision to do history over geography 2 years ago... you never know when you will get back to have a taste of the opportunity cost of your decisions.
Life just gets narrower... and narrower...
Yesterday, was suddenly struck by this weird fear, that i don't actually know what i want in life. I am quite torn between a more secure path of economics and a idealistic, yet not necessarily money-making path of history. It's difficult, cos i'm afraid if i actually decide to do economics, i may forget, and never come back to the history, that I have so promised myself to get back to someday. It's a bit like the decision to do history over geography 2 years ago... you never know when you will get back to have a taste of the opportunity cost of your decisions.
Life just gets narrower... and narrower...
Saturday, July 16, 2005
first post!
It's quite weird how i take so long to catch up with this idea of blogging... but i've suddenly decided to get it rectified... finally decided to set up a home in cyberspace.
So far got through 3 weeks of the third term and just cannot wait for it to be over... getting fed up with going back to the totalitarian regime at wee hours in the morning, but well, I have no choice but to trudge on. I know I have slacked off for the past 1 and a half years, and it's probably time to get my engine started, but you know, it's kind of hard... somehow I feel rather ill-prepared for the As, not so sure of myself anymore... maybe that has to do with the nature of the subjects I am taking...
Maybe I should just start getting some work done.
"When will i begin, to live again." - Moulin Rouge
So far got through 3 weeks of the third term and just cannot wait for it to be over... getting fed up with going back to the totalitarian regime at wee hours in the morning, but well, I have no choice but to trudge on. I know I have slacked off for the past 1 and a half years, and it's probably time to get my engine started, but you know, it's kind of hard... somehow I feel rather ill-prepared for the As, not so sure of myself anymore... maybe that has to do with the nature of the subjects I am taking...
Maybe I should just start getting some work done.
"When will i begin, to live again." - Moulin Rouge
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)