anti-thesis

No living, without dying.

No happiness, without sadness.

No love, without hate.

There is no room for neutrality. In each attribute lies the rejection of its negative, thus affirming its existence. We say we exist because we may well not.

Life is unfortunately highly problematic. We seek happiness from vices and self-destruction. This is not meant to be a religious comment. We live and thus seek death. We seek happiness by creating eventual sadness. Self-love, with a result equivalent to self-hate. We destroy ourselves through smoking, drugs, gambling and alcoholism, yet we gain pleasure from it. Decadence, there is no reconciliation between a long life and a happy one. We are a confused people, living for the moment and incapable of a broader view of life, love and legacy.

boxes

Professed experts of creative thinking always tell people to "think out of the box", suggesting that boxes restrict our movement physically and the scope of our mental processes. But boxes are a human creation, and mankind have continually lived in boxes thereafters. The early cavemen lived in habitats of irregular shapes, carved out over centuries by natural forces. Humans decided to surround themselves with 4 lines, enclosing themselves and later go on to enclose animals and inanimate objects. We live in boxes from cradle to grave: the incubator, the apartment, the room, and in the end, the coffin. We have taught ourselves implicit obedience, to none other than the rules we have created for ourselves. It is a matter of organisation, which we have told ourselves is preferable to chaos. Look @ the format of this blog: I don't think any of us want the posts to be all over the place.

happy endings

Was watching wang2zi3bian4qing1wa1 on channel U 2 days ago. I initially hated the show, it had no storyline, no character development and was held together by goodlooking people who cannot act and quirky sound effects. Perhaps it was the aftermath of the last lit paper in my life, the relatively unintellectual story actually appealed and basically anything would go. (OR as my bro. has just said "you are an unintellectual being." :() Maybe I like happy endings, no deaths, no disappointment, etc. Though it would make life devoid of any serious meaning or feelings, cos there is no happiness without sadness as it's antithesis. Everything will be bland.
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Yesterday, PSLE results were out and rosyth produced a top scholar, the first in god knows how many years. I was overwhelmed by nostalgia when i saw the scene on TV. Old faces, in a not-so-old school building. It has been 6 years since I left the school and moved on, yet the teachers I know have hardly changed. I have the most feelings for the school, and the feeling of nostalgia is momentous, considering that in 3 days' time I will leave another school without a bang, with the unglamorous S econs paper. I don't know how I will feel, in a way it has been very short and it's impact on my entire life still cannot be judged. Perhaps, I am a train, simply stopping at the designated stops for the regulated number of years, accumulating more baggage of emotions, memories and responsibilities.
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On a not so happy note, I have just received a letter from UCAS, rejecting my application for Govt and Economics @ LSE. My University applications may be all messed up and going to waste, but anyhow, it is still worth looking forward to Monday afternoon and I still maintain the faint glimmer of hope that I may yet get to Oxford.

4 more.

4 more papers to go, and rather quite immune to how i feel after the papers. Thanks to everyone posting encouraging comments on the tagboard, really appreciate it! Will survive, and gambatte to everyone who still have papers to finish! Then we can party! :)

Must go back to read SEA.

A whiny post

So far 'A's has been bad, full of so many unexpected twists, turns and odd questions. I'm not sure whether is it just me not having studied enough, ill-prepared and taking things perhaps a tad too lightly. I hope it's not just me, who thinks that this year's papers are very freakish. And the hard papers have not even arrived.

Math: paper 1 was great, paper 2 was bad.
GP: NO question on government! forced into doing state intervention in business
GP compre: didn't really finish AQ.
Hist 1: have never thought of any of the questions in those light before, though i have faithfully gone through essay plans. Not anybody's fault, but took a lot of improvisations. Had very little for french rev, too much for new imperialism (and no time!).

I am not sure whether I have messed up enough not to get at least 3As and a B3 for GP. But oh well, concentrate on the remaining papers! *trying very hard to convince myself*